Black eyes are a sign of survival mode, not of being a demon. When we fight for our lives, our pupils get huge. It happens to a lot of mammals. You can see this in cats, when they’re hunting or in their “sociopathic play mode” – their pupils turn huge and black.
Detection performance is improved. It happens in a lot of situations. Fight, trauma response, mating… Having huge pupils, which makes the iris look black, means survival mode. It can also be a result of taking drugs or having brain damage.
If you just demonize every person who has big pupils, you won’t really understand what’s going on. And of course we don’t need to worry about understanding narcissists, but ourselves.
However, that means we also don’t need to demonize them – the latter gives them more power and importance than they (should) have.
Whenever we demonize the narcissist, we also don’t look at our own mistakes, and this has nothing to do with victim blaming.
What we really need to look at is not how demonic or how attracted a narcissistic or toxic person was to us, but:
- why did we tolerate their creepiness, their demands, their assaultiveness, their exploitation?
- why did we tolerate them crossing our boundaries and arguing away our boundaries?
- why didn’t we have more self-esteem and how can we change that – right now and for good?
- why did we feel so lonely that we settled for a parasite?
- why did we settle for being a vampire thrall instead of a cherished partner?
- why did we want to “make it work” with such a persona while finding a less toxic person boring?
- why were we attracted to them? – and even though they treated us horribly?
Those and many more questions are the real questions we should be asking ourselves in order to understand ourselves and have healthy, strong boundaries from now on.
Simply demonizing the narcissist won’t give you any insights about yourself.
Do your work.
Not doing the work is exactly what the narcissist is doing. Not doing their work, wanting others to do the work for them and blaming others.
Do we want to be like a narcissist? Certainly not.
Do your work, meaning: know your own blindspots and fix the holes in your foundation, so that you no longer allow narcissists into your life.
Demonizing a narcissist, and then another, and then another … won’t do the trick.
If anything, then it might attract even more narcissists into your life, because the person may change, but you’re still the same. You’re still them same person who attracted a narcissist in the first place. And that’s a scary thought we’d like to avoid – to most of us.
But that’s the kind of thinking that will help you transform into a healthy person with healthy, clear boundaries.
No more blurred lines.
Blaming the narcissist for everything creates those blurred lines where we stop questioning why we even exposed ourselves to all of this nonsense.
Do your work.