Getting over a relationship with a narcissist can be challenging and painful experience. What can you do?
First of all, I’d like to remind you that each healing process is an individual journey. It takes time. It may be helpful to seek professional support in the form of therapy or counseling to assist the process and regain a healthy emotional landscape.
Disclaimer: The information on this site is a result of my personal experience and does not replace therapy. I’m an experiecer and mental coach (inner child mentoring).
The most important thing I’ve learned is this:
If you lose something, you need to let go – HOWEVER, letting go doesn’t always mean you’re losing something!
This is a quote from an unknown source (I found it on a pin about horses), and it is probably the most helpful thing I have ever heared regarding the process of letting go – and applied to letting go a toxic fakelationship – WOW. Just: wow. This little sentence alone probably helped me more than many therapy sessions – not blaming my therapist. It sums up everything that took me 2-3 years to learn post-discard.
Other things you need to consider:
You can’t blame the narcissist forever. Self-reflection is the most important part of healing, in my opinion. But be careful! I’m not talking about the rumination we all used to fall into. What really matters is putting the focus back onto yourself. Take time to reflect on your own feelings and experiences. Understand that the problems in the relationship are not your fault, you are responsible for your behavior AND the narcissist is responsible for his behavior.
Seek support: seek support from friends, family and therapists. Sharing feelings and experiences can help you work through the pain and get support. But be careful: not everyone is going to understand what you’re going through. Seek out people who provide a safe space for you.
Self-care: Focus on your own healing and self-care. Exercise, maintain hobbies, take care of your emotional and physical health.
Set boundaries: Set clear boundaries with the narcissist; this usually means going no contact for life and staying away from him. Protect yourself from further emotional trauma by going no contact. You will probably never get the closure you’re looking for.
Forgiveness and letting go: Work on letting go of the narcissist and forgiving him, not because his behavior could be in any way justified, but in order to free yourself from the burden of negative emotions. Anger, sadness, hatred: all of this just robs you of your precious time and that toxic person has already taken enough from you.
It’s time to be alive!
Fresh start: use the experiences from the fakelationship to grow and develop yourself. Yes, you can learn from mistakes! How not to have a relationship. How to avoid a fakelationship. Focus on positive changes in your life and open yourself up to new relationships based on mutual respect and honesty.
Are you ready for the good news?
You deserve a life that’s filled with authentic connections.