Here are some examples:
They drive recklessly. This actually scares you and you know that it’s wrong, but you admire their confidence.
They simply don’t care. As a result, they suffer less and think less about other people or the consequences of their own behavior.
Their absolute certainty about themselves and their good intentions (even though they’re usually lying to themselves and we know it). Absolute certainty is an attitude the human psychology ALWAYS reacts to. As group animals, we are looking for a leader who can protect us. So even if we know that this person is probably lying, there will always be a part of us that hopes that they’re truthful.
Their physical skills. Very often, highly narcissistic people are great artists, crafts(wo)men or lovers. They tend to be very good at physical and/or creative skills.
One of my narcissists once sharpened my knives when he had nothing else to do. My question today is: why didn’t I sharped my knives myself?
Your homework: become aware of all the things you admire about “your” narcissist(s).
Step 2:
Journal about how you can replace or embody these traits and qualities – in a healthy way. Shift the focus back on yourself.
How can you become a healthy version of “your” narcissist(s) and thereby, put their qualities into perspective? – There was a reason why you were attracted to them, but that doesn’t mean that they’re the ideal partner.
How can you embody the narcissist’s positive traits and skills without becoming toxic yourself?
What’s the positive take-away?
By embodying the positive traits of the narcissist and letting go of the memories of them, you can stop missing them and finally let them go completely.
It’s also a good exercise to let go of anger. (Anger is often a way to hold on to a person emotionally.)
If this exercise makes you miss the narcissist, this can be an indicator that you’re still too enmeshed and idealizing the narcissist too much.
When in doubt, discuss this journal prompt and everything else with your trusted therapist.