Narcissistic behavior and the reasons behind a narcissist’s decision to discard a person can be complex and multifaceted. It’s important to note that not all individuals with narcissistic traits or narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) will engage in discarding behaviors, and the motivations can vary from person to person. However, there are some common underlying factors that may contribute to why a narcissist may choose to discard someone:
- Narcissistic Supply: Narcissists have an insatiable need for admiration, validation, and attention from others, known as narcissistic supply. Initially, they may idealize and shower their chosen targets with attention and praise, known as love bombing. However, when the targeted person no longer serves as a source of narcissistic supply or fails to meet the narcissist’s unrealistic expectations, they may be discarded.
- Devaluation: Narcissists often engage in a cycle of idealization and devaluation. After the initial idealization phase, where they put the person on a pedestal, the narcissist may start devaluing them. They may criticize, belittle, demean, or emotionally manipulate the person, eroding their self-esteem and self-worth. This devaluation can be a precursor to the eventual discard.
- Control and Power: Narcissists have a strong desire for control and power over others. When they perceive a loss of control or sense a threat to their dominance, they may resort to discarding the person as a means of asserting power and maintaining control over the relationship dynamics. The discard can be a tactic to demonstrate their superiority and maintain a position of power.
- Lack of Empathy: Narcissists typically have limited empathy and struggle to form genuine emotional connections with others. They may view relationships as transactional, primarily focused on what they can gain from the other person. When they no longer perceive the person as valuable or useful, they may discard them without remorse or consideration for the emotional impact it may have.
- Idealization of Perfection: Narcissists often have an idealized image of themselves and seek perfection in others. When the person fails to meet the narcissist’s unrealistic expectations or flaws become apparent, the narcissist may discard them as they no longer align with the idealized version the narcissist desires.
- Fear of Abandonment: Paradoxically, narcissists may fear abandonment due to their fragile self-esteem and need for external validation. To avoid being rejected or abandoned, they may preemptively discard others as a defense mechanism. By discarding others first, they maintain a sense of control and protect themselves from potential rejection.
It’s important to recognize that narcissistic behavior can be emotionally harmful and manipulative. If you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist or have experienced the effects of narcissistic behavior, seeking support from mental health professionals or support networks can be beneficial in understanding and navigating (out of!) such relationships.