You meet a person and somehow they feel familiar.
You think this person could be THE ONE, your best friend ever, all the suffering was worth meeting them etc.
But you are also experiencing a weird notion of : “Somehow this is a combination of everything I ever experienced.”
This person may just be your final boss – like in a video game.
They’re bigger, better – and more destructive than anyone who came before them.
But in essence, they are nothing but more of the same old bullsh*t.
You may be graduating, spiritually.
It may be that you’re being tested, spiritually, to see what you’ve learnt from past experiences.
That’s why narcissists often appear to be an angel in your life and turn your life into heaven on earth, only to tear you down and turn your life into hell. Or to abandon you in their own hell. And to leave you behind with all the mess to clean up on your own.
You’re not sure if you’re just insane or if they were sent by the devil, or both.
I have learned – during very painful lessons and their aftermath – that the feeling of déjà-vu has always turnt out to be a negative warning from my intuition.
Whenever I was experiencing déjà-vu, it was in the context of realizing that I’m reliving something that already happened, but not because it was meant to be, but because I am somehow stuck in a narrative I COULD break out of, if I knew when to take the right turn.
Maybe, if I wrote my own script, instead of succumbing to the given path, instead of playing the role that was assigned to me … maybe I could change my fate.
To me, the feeling of déjà-vu is that something feels familiar not on a psychological, but on a spiritual level.
And this screams danger, attention, watch out.
When a narc comes into your life, this may be accompanied by a lot of synchronicities that feel like magic.
You don’t stop and question why because you’re in a haze – you’re busy feeling good.
You’re under the influence of a drug.
The drug being a toxic person. – In the beginning they are intoxicating in a positive way, just like alcohol or many other substances that are actually harmful to your entire being.
You don’t care that they’re coming on too strong, you don’t care that they’re expressing sick needs, unfulfilled needs from their childhood, attachment injuries… You don’t care about any of that!
You just want to experience this high with them, forever, and that’s it.
You’re HOOKED.
You’re IN the trap.
You’ve failed the test.
You’re not aware.
You may feel like everything is starting to make sense, you can finally breathe, you have arrived…. and then everything collapses, the mask of the narc drops and you realize you have been emotionally abused and exploited.
All that oxygen was actually poisonous gas.
They used you for a high.
In a way, you, too, used them for a high – the difference is you believed this was the real thing. You believed the narc more than yourself.
You believed their words.
They cared about their own emotions and needs, but not about you.
There was no real connectedness – they faked it.
I wouldn’t go as far as to say “if something seems to good to be true, it probably is” – no, I think it’s more complicated than that.
Sometimes we don’t recognize what would be TRULY good for us, because it’s so unfamiliar, we don’t even see it. It’s outside of our perception – our brain just wouldn’t even register it, even if it kicked us in the butt. So we go for something we recognize, we already know, but that leads to our demise.
Because it’s familiar, because we see synchronicities that are, sadly, illusions, Maya, distractions, wisps.
You know toxic, so you go to toxic.
Especially when toxic tells you: “I am very good for you, I am good, you’ll see, I’ll make you happy.”
You SO want this to be true, you are selling your Soul for it.
We want the good stuff to be true, so we remain stuck.
We keep the trauma-bond alive by accepting the cognitive dissonance.
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I am telling you now, in order to heal, in order to break the addiction:
Let go of the good stuff.
Free yourself of your love for them.
Put that love where it belongs – into yourself.
Put your trust back where it belongs – into yourself.
Throw your memories of the love-bombing phase into the trash, where they belong, as it was the love-bombing that was the start of their emotional abuse.
The emotional abuse didn’t start only when the devaluation started – the emotional abuse took place from the very beginning.
This is the narcissistic cycle of abuse.
“Love” is their Trojan horse.
If you look just a little bit deeper, all of that “Love” they allegedly had for you was nothing but sick, anxious need. Anxiously and urgently wanting to attach to you like glue, only to rip you apart – when they realized you are not their parents. In that moment. When they realized you can’t fix the cracks in their foundation. That’s when they devalued and discarded you. Instead of growing up with you.
Maybe your intuition was trying to get through to you all along, creating the feeling of déjà-vu.
But if you mentally want something to be real and true, you have the power to push all your internal guidance away, shove them to the back burner and enjoy the ride straight to hell, ignoring the red flags – because you want to.
You want the illusion to be real, so you interpret the red flags as your own hyper-sensitivities and the synchronicities as POSITIVE signs from the universe, telling you you’re on the right track. … And this is how you abandon yourself.
You have abandoned yourself before. Hence the feeling of déjà-vu.
Other people have MADE you abandon yourself before. Hence the feeling of déjà-vu.
Remember, synchronicities are not necessarily a good sign…. Oh no.
They are simply factors that augment your experience, that make it seem deeper and more meaningful – but this can be misleading, if you blindly interpret these synchronicities as something positive.
The universe isn’t coming to you with a red big neon sign that says: THIS IS A NARC. RUN.
The universe is doing its best to speak to you in non-verbal language, making use of synchronicities to wake you up.
Very often, this is misleading !
You experience synchronicities and you think: “Finally, the magic is back! I’m on track!”
But you’re not.
You are misinterpreting the signs to make things easier for you. You are choosing the fake high – the narcissist, instead of a slow and steady real connection with a profound being who actually IS in touch with their core identity.
You’re far away from where you could be, in a good place.
I have learned that synchronicities can simply be tools the universe uses to shake you up, to wake you up to the fact that you’re running into a trap you have already encountered before – the narcissist being a trick question.
No, they were no important figure in your life and you will see this in time.
They were a trick question you took seriously.
Because you wanted the illusion to be real.
Because you wanted things to be easy, simple and easily flowing to you.
You wanted easy, fake, fast “love”, not the real deal.
The real deal would have taken time.
Remember that the light attracts moths.
You don’t automatically attract another light that wants to shine light into the darkness, their darkness, your darkness.
You don’t automatically attract a person who stands in their own light.
Figuring out WHO you have in front of you – takes time.
Don’t be fooled by synchronicities, words, words, WORDS of affirmation, words of brainwashing, words of trance induction and deceit, your own hormones, and your own hopes and dreams.
Don’t project your own truthfulness on another person or situation.
Don’t project your own hopes on the synchronicities you encounter.
The universe doesn’t revolve around you – the universe will keep spitting out synchronicities left and right.
You still need to interpret reality (and meta-realities) while being in absolute alignment with your Soul and self-partnered.
Don’t abandon yourself for any other person, idea, dream, illusion or synchronicity.
You are valuable.
Don’t throw yourself away for an illusion anymore.
Don’t trust blindly – verify, test.
Instead of being tested, be the tester.
Check if the water is deep enough before you jump in head over heels.
Dive deep, many times, check what’s lying on the bottom of that lake.
It may look good on the surface – but be full of corpses and nuclear waste.
And remember that Narcissus drowned because of his own reflection – don’t do the same.
You know what I’m talking about because you already did drown… that’s why you’re researching this topic.
Don’t ever drown in your own reflection again.
You’ve made the narcissistic mistake – once or twice, or many times.
But now you know better.
Now you can do better.