I have been seeing some content creators online write about how leaving a narcissist or otherwise toxic person/relationship is such a strong thing to do…
I disagree.
And I would say, as an experiencer and not a therapist I might add (yup, I am recommending therapy) – if you believe that you’d be STRONG if you left the toxic person/relationship in your life, you might even run the risk of telling yourself YOU’RE WEAK / you must be weak as long as you’re not leaving.
And this wouldn’t empower you, would it?
Therefore, I think this is when we’d become toxic towards ourselves. And this totally can’t be our goal, can it?
It’s also simply not universally true, because you might be rather stuck than weak – being stuck doesn’t always mean you’re weak. Sometimes you don’t have the tools to break free, yet. I hope that this post can shake things up for you.
In my opinion:
Leaving or not leaving a toxic relationship is NOT a matter of weakness or strength but whether you are the center of your universe or not !
Not being the center of my own universe is where all the narc-related problems in my life originated from. Feel free to disagree and ask yourself what it’s like for you.
However, back to my own little universe.
Leaving or not leaving a toxic relationship is not a matter of weakness or strength, but rather a matter of self-worth, self-care, and recognizing your own value and happiness. It’s about understanding that you deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, and love, and that remaining in a toxic relationship can have detrimental effects on your emotional, mental, and even physical well-being.
Being the center of your universe means prioritizing your own happiness, fulfillment, and growth. It involves recognizing that your needs, feelings, and boundaries are important and should be respected. In a toxic relationship, these fundamental aspects of your well-being are often compromised, as the relationship may be characterized by manipulation, abuse, disrespect, or a lack of support.
Leaving a toxic relationship requires courage and self-awareness. It is not an easy decision to make, as there may be various factors that make it difficult to leave, such as fear, financial dependency, or emotional attachment. However, it is crucial to remember that staying in a toxic relationship can perpetuate a cycle of unhappiness and can hinder personal growth and self-esteem.
Leaving a toxic relationship is an act of self-love and self-preservation. It does not signify weakness but rather strength, as it takes strength to recognize that the current situation is not healthy and to take steps towards creating a better, more fulfilling life for yourself. It involves setting boundaries, seeking support from loved ones or professionals, and finding the strength within to prioritize your well-being.
Ultimately, the decision to leave or not leave a toxic relationship is deeply personal, and everyone’s circumstances are unique. It’s important to seek guidance and support from trusted friends, family, or professionals who can provide objective advice and help you navigate through the process. Remember, choosing to prioritize your own happiness and well-being is not a sign of weakness, but rather an affirmation of your self-worth and a step towards a healthier and more fulfilling life.
As I always, I recommend that you prioritize SELF-CARE above everything else.
Instead of asking yourself why the narcissist did this or that – ask yourself what you needed, are in need of right now and might need tomorrow! And then go and fulfill those needs, because the narcissist certainly won’t do that for you. And if he/she does, it will certainly come at a cost you won’t pay gladly.
However, once we start being there for ourselves – we no longer need the narcissist in ANY way, not even as a scapegoat.
Amazing, I know.
And you can get there – “simply” put your focus back onto yourself.
— It’s not easy, but it’s indeed simple.
Please talk to a good therapist about your personal case in particular, so you can discover the tools to make yourself your center of your own universe, care, love, understanding and all the other resources you’ve been donating to the narc(s).